Sometimes everything sucks. It just does. You’re exhausted. You’re stressed. You’re down on yourself and you’re down on everyone else and zilch you’ve done has made you are feeling proud or excited or enthusiastic or maybe anything. Your greatest accomplishment has been emptying your Hulu queue. Everything you write sucks. Everything you are doing sucks. You’ve resigned yourself to a lifetime of mediocrity, because, maybe you may be the most effective at being average. Or the simplest at sucking the smallest amount. New goal: be the most effective at sucking the smallest amount.
Then, you are doing that thing which you’re never speculated to do, but you are doing it anyway because, hey, you’re already down here within the pit of your self-loathing, why not make this pit even less hospitable? you’re feeling ashamed about everything sucking. you’re feeling like, wait, shouldn’t I know the way to not feel this way? you begin feeling guilty, like, you must be ready to un-suck your life, and now the fact that you simply can’t be making you feel even worse. You’ve just about just dug a hole inside the opening you were already in. Fun times!
So, you spend each day or two collecting evidence, like you’re Sherlock Holmes trying to crack the case of why you’re The Worst. You overthink. You overanalyze. Do you remember Debbie back in the 5th grade and why was Debbie so awful to you? You remember all of your past transgressions, your assumed failures, and everything that may burrow you deeper into this hole involves the forefront of your mind. you begin to grasp the total weight of when people say you’re your own worst enemy, because yes, and since immediately and since you’re, you just are.
And then, you last Facebook (terrible idea) or Twitter (worst idea) or Instagram (the actual worst idea) otherwise you go outside (maybe an improved idea) and you think that, wait, why is everyone ok and why am I not ok? you begin to develop a form of weird embarrassment around the undeniable fact that things suck at once and, on top of things sucking, you’re also being a complete asshole to yourself. You think I’m the sole person within the world who cannot tumble together. Everyone has it together, except me. what’s wrong with me? Am I okay? Would I like help? That latent shame becomes full-on shame. It’s palpable shame now. And, you’re convinced you’re the sole person within the world who doesn’t do all the items they know are nice for them, who breaks promises to themselves, who goes and goes and goes until they’re exhausted and broken, who tries to be the most effective by being the foremost of anything. You’re the sole person within the world struggling to grasp relationships, balance friendships, catch a breath, be told to budget, find out to cook, try to do everything, and be everything all at the identical time. You’re the sole one that is trying to try and do everything and be everything while having the sensation you must already understand how to try and do and be those things already.
To all that. To you. To people who are struggling then, to those, who are struggling because they’re struggling. you’re not alone. you’re living and living is messy and it’s weird and you’ll be within the fog for an awfully while until it clears. It may well be nothing, it can be something, it might be everything. You don’t know. But, you’re not alone. within the darkened corners of your mind, you’ll think you’re. you’ll think everyone has it found out and you’re the one left behind. Don’t believe it. that’s not capital t Truth. that’s the tiny voice in your mind who is being a complete asshole to you.
Breathe. Have a cup of tea or some chocolate. Do something which you recognize brings your soul alive, if just for an instant. All the moments you have got lived in have brought you exactly to the current moment. And, while this moment might completely suck for you and every one of your moments has brought you to what you think is the truth of what quantity you suck, then, well, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there. We’ll all be there again. You’re not broken. You are, simply, alive. Grammar CheckCheck PlagiarismDownload Report
